Well I had lately been reading a lot of my friends’ post which were somehow related to their marriage with most of them contributing their woes and happiness respectively. I was happily reading all their posts and comments and joining in the fun with so many others because i never thought for even a milli-shilli second that the word marriage was going to take one giant leap into my life. Its not that i am against it (I'd love to get married one day so interested females pls wait till then) ; its just that at 23 years of age it doesn't seem right ( taking away an innocent boy's innocence)
Now I have no idea how my mom got to read some of these blogs ( she hardly knows how to operate a computer yet somehow she did, there's no other explanation for her bringing up this topic all of a sudden) but nonetheless, the fact of the matter is that 2 days ago i was subject to intense questioning and embarrassing comments by my dear Mommy( although by the end i think she was embarrassed for bringing this topic up :-). For more details, read on!). So here's a not so typical conversation that took place 2 days ago...

Phone ringing in the background...Tring Tring!! Tring Tring ( Sorry i forgot that she called on my mob..ok so playing Hoobastank-The Reason now :-))

Me - Hi Mumma..(and regular stuff that i say every time)...kya chal raha hai and all that

Mom- (Same old) howz work going, are you taking care of your health...Blah Blah (Author holds phone 2 feet away from his ear for the next 5 mins:-)).

Me - Mumbles something inaudible...

Mom - Aman beta, I want to talk to you about something important. Don't take this as a joke please

Me - What happened Mumma? (I thought it was a family emergency or something like that)

Mom - Yesterday we went to XYZ Mama's cousin sister's daughter's marriage. There we got a marriage proposal for you!!

(Author shocked beyond his wits, speechless for 10 secs!!)

Me - Nice joke mom, call me when you fix the date and do all the arrangements..

Mom - Chup karo Aman,kabhi toh serious hua karo. Really Chintu Mausi's ( My Mausi or hers I have no idea:)) family friend ( who is also somehow related to us, don’t ask me how ) ki taraf se tumhare liye ek rishta aaya hai. She's doing her final year now.

Me - How can Chintu Mausi's family friend be doing her final year mumma. She must be so old by now!!

Mom (fired up by now) - Aman,maine bola na yeh mazaak nahi hai. That girl is in her final year now, good family also beta.( I really don't know why parents have to add this line! Obviously if you look for that someone for us, you'll make sure that the family is good..You'll definitely not get me married to Osama's daughter will you!?)

Me - Mumma pls, I am just 23 rite now. How can i even think of marriage? I have to think of my career first:-)

Mom - Arey who's asking you to get married rite now! We only want you both to get acquainted with each other rite now so that after 2-3 yrs we can formally fix something.

Me - (Mind working in devilish ways:-)) Did she come for the shaadi? Is she good looking? (Read maal:-))

Mom - Ya she's very beautiful. Both your papa and I also liked her (At this point i felt like telling her that dear ol' dad agrees with you on everything. After 31 years the poor soul knows that he should never say No to anything:-). But intelligent me knows what’ll happen if i say that so I keep my mouth shut).

Me - So basically you want us to go around for the next 2-3 years? (And I add softly) What’ll happen if things don't work out between us after, say, one year? Can we go our separate ways then?

Mom - Arey, why will that happen? You meet her first, she's a very good girl ( I felt like saying that you've never told me that in the past so many years and here's one girl whom u've met only once and you're going gaga over her!)

At this point of time, I felt I was fighting a losing battle. So I decided that I needed a hmmm bolder approach to get me out of this situation

Me - Look mumma, i am not against marriage or anything but its just too early for me rite now. Waise bhi I have other plans on how and when I want to get married

Mom (now suddenly afraid) - Beta tumhari koi girlfriend-whirlfriend toh nahi hai na? Please Aman ,aisa kuch mat karna jis sey hum muh dikhane layak bhi na rahe (Ya my mom's an emotional drama queen!)

Me - Mumma please yaar!! Koi girlfriend nahi hai!! But i don't want to think bout all that now. What i want is that you choose one girl for me, then I’ll be with her for a year, then I’ll say I am not compatible with her. Ditto for the second one. Then finally I’ll get married to the third girl. Is that ok with you?

Suddenly the call gets cut; whether due to a network problem or whether my mom couldn't believe what she heard; I’ll never know...Anyways Dad called back after 5 mins and here's what happened then .

Dad - Aman, what did you say to her? Your mom's very upset rite now!!

Me - C'mon Papa, I should be the one to get upset! How can you people even think about my marriage rite now?

Dad - (Now clarifying) I told her its not such a good idea to talk all this......( He broke off at this time presumably because of the warning look my mom must have given him...lol...thanks a ton dad...i know how much you risked to say that:-)).

Me - Look Papa, you also know that this is not the rite time for all this..Pls talk to mom and explain her all this..Pls dad, you are the only one who can do this..(My dad must have cursed me for feeding him to the lions:-)).

Anyways that’s where that episode ended and hopefully it’s the end of that topic also (at least for some time). I spoke to my mom last nite and she spoke normally and said to forget bout what all she had said (how can i!!). So all you people out there who thought ' iski to waat lag gayi mamu', sorry to disappoint you fellas! All's well that ends well :-).

P.S -: Despite whatever you said (and I know you are reading this somehow) you are still the best and I love you the most Mom. If only you had given me that girl's phone number (Sigh!!)

Sorry to disappoint all those people who think this is gonna be a tribute to THE most insane, rubbish, cow-dungish TV serial ever imagined ( or wait, i think Ekta came out with another K last week which seems hell bent on breaking all rules of moronism). This is actually a story of what happens at my home and i think at most of our homes too. So i'll recount a typical day in the ' Kohli khaandaan '. Be prepared for a shock or sense of deja-vu according to your case.

Morning 7.30 :

Sound of bhajans and godly songs fill all the rooms including my own. Sleepy-eyed and slightly irritable at that time, i pray to every god that my Mom believes in, and try to cover my ears with the pillow and sheet ( oh sorry, no sheet cause its already been kicked to the floor by me at nite). However my devilish sleep has gone and its time to welcome the daily quota of devotional songs into my life.

Door bangs open. Mom's already in a foul mood. Why oh why God,did you make my mother this way!!

Mom - Abhi tak so raha hai. Tuzhe sharam nahi aati!!

Me - Sharam kis baat ki Mumma..sharam toh tab aati jab aap muzhe kisi ladki ke saath sote hue pakadti

Before i can say April Fool ,my cheeks have already borne the brunt of those tender motherly hands!! Anyways i am asked to go and rouse up my sister from her ' khumbkaran' sleep.

Me - Rashi, get up ya. I am getting shouted at cause of you..

My Sis - @#$@#$% How many times have i asked you not to disturb me while sleeping?

Me - Sorry forgot to count. Anyways get up fast. She's shouting at me cause you are not there to be shouted at

Sis - @#$%!@#@#

After brushing etc etc. i walk into my parents room and eagerly scan the pages of Delhi Times. Another lecture this time from Dad

Dad - Why don't you read the proper newspaper? What's so interesting in that Delhi Times!!

Me - Arey Papa,they've started giving practice questions on CAT these days, so going through those ( I can really be shameless at times!!)

Sis rushes in and tells me to get her breakfast from the kitchen. All she gets in return are a few words for which i again pay for saying them infront of Dad. Rest of the morning passes somewhat quietly except when i go and sit infront of my comp.

Afternoon 1 'o Clock :

Mom - Aman, u've been sitting there for nearly 2 hrs now. Your eyes will get spoilt beta

Me - Not 2 hrs Mumma, one and a half only!!

Mom - But before that you watched Tv for one hour, then you were on the phone for sometime. Go out and get some exercise!!

Me - Mumma pls, its 1 in the afternoon, its burning outside and you want me to go do exercise. I came here for a holiday; not to some millitary camp.

She mutters something which sounds like hopeless-case-god-help-him. Hmmm i wonder what gave her that idea!!

Cut to Evening 5' o Clock:

Me - Mumma i am going out for sometime . Mite be a little late for dinner.

Mom - Theek hai, par bahar ka mat khaana. You mite get stereolepsosis!!( Don't even ask me what that mite be,i can hardle even spell it)

Mom - Btw, where do you go out every evening? Kisi girlfriend ka toh chakkar nahi hai na!!

Me - Mumma, tell me what'll you prefer? Me going out with a girl or a guy??

Mom - Chup kar !! Aaj kal bahot bolne lag gaya hai tu !! Bina soche samjhe kuch bhi bol deta hai...jaise jaise bade hote ho,koi sharam haya bachti hi nahi hai tum logo mey.

I roll my eyes and make my getaway as fast as possible before another lecture on pre-marital relationships and god-knows-what all comes up.

Night Time 10.00 :

I return home only to find them fuming and waiting for me.

Mom - Why can't you call and tell us that you'll be coming late??

Me - It's only 10 rite now!!

Mom - Thats besides the point. You've been out since 5. You can atleast call us once in between or give a missed call. You keep calling all those friends of yours the whole day, you can't even spend 2 rs on calling your parents!

Me - Arey why are you blowing this out of proportion. Fine i didn't call but its not like i ran away to Timbuktu or something.

The arrival of my sister from office thankfully breaks up this unwarrented discussion.

And now for the worst part!!

The Daily Soaps:

Both me and my sister have to endure nearly an hour and half of crying, backstabbing women who go to sleep in their sarees and then get up in the morning with their make-up still not smudged. I mean how the hell is that possible!! By then end i am confused as to who's having an affair with whom and who's the actual vamp. Dunno how my mom can keep pace with all the serials at one go while constantly switching between Zee, Star and Sony every 2 mins. And if by any chance i put ESPN when she's in the kitchen, then God help me !!

The worst is this serial called Kasam Se on Zee ( or is it Sony?). Its basically about 3 sisters out of which one has designs on her brother-in-law and has suppossedly had a child with him. Her own husband disappeared in between btw and was never heard of( i personally think he was not being paid so he left). But my Mom insists that his "character did not suit the current timing and mood of the serial". The 3rd sister has married someone who already has a wife and i dunno who sleeps with whom at nite. Seriously Ekta Kapoor should be given credit for imagining such kind of insane plots!

Time for bed now and by this time everything that happened earlier has been forgotten. The whole family has dinner together and then we say good nite; ready to start afresh the next day :lol: . Now i miss those days and the fights i used to have at home. And its not like there were always fights happening. Mom and Dad kept fussing over us also and in the end we were one big happy family(still are). Ekta Kapoor should come to my house and see what an actual Ghar Ghar ki Kahaani is. What say!?