Sorry to disappoint all those people who think this is gonna be a tribute to THE most insane, rubbish, cow-dungish TV serial ever imagined ( or wait, i think Ekta came out with another K last week which seems hell bent on breaking all rules of moronism). This is actually a story of what happens at my home and i think at most of our homes too. So i'll recount a typical day in the ' Kohli khaandaan '. Be prepared for a shock or sense of deja-vu according to your case.

Morning 7.30 :

Sound of bhajans and godly songs fill all the rooms including my own. Sleepy-eyed and slightly irritable at that time, i pray to every god that my Mom believes in, and try to cover my ears with the pillow and sheet ( oh sorry, no sheet cause its already been kicked to the floor by me at nite). However my devilish sleep has gone and its time to welcome the daily quota of devotional songs into my life.

Door bangs open. Mom's already in a foul mood. Why oh why God,did you make my mother this way!!

Mom - Abhi tak so raha hai. Tuzhe sharam nahi aati!!

Me - Sharam kis baat ki Mumma..sharam toh tab aati jab aap muzhe kisi ladki ke saath sote hue pakadti

Before i can say April Fool ,my cheeks have already borne the brunt of those tender motherly hands!! Anyways i am asked to go and rouse up my sister from her ' khumbkaran' sleep.

Me - Rashi, get up ya. I am getting shouted at cause of you..

My Sis - @#$@#$% How many times have i asked you not to disturb me while sleeping?

Me - Sorry forgot to count. Anyways get up fast. She's shouting at me cause you are not there to be shouted at

Sis - @#$%!@#@#

After brushing etc etc. i walk into my parents room and eagerly scan the pages of Delhi Times. Another lecture this time from Dad

Dad - Why don't you read the proper newspaper? What's so interesting in that Delhi Times!!

Me - Arey Papa,they've started giving practice questions on CAT these days, so going through those ( I can really be shameless at times!!)

Sis rushes in and tells me to get her breakfast from the kitchen. All she gets in return are a few words for which i again pay for saying them infront of Dad. Rest of the morning passes somewhat quietly except when i go and sit infront of my comp.

Afternoon 1 'o Clock :

Mom - Aman, u've been sitting there for nearly 2 hrs now. Your eyes will get spoilt beta

Me - Not 2 hrs Mumma, one and a half only!!

Mom - But before that you watched Tv for one hour, then you were on the phone for sometime. Go out and get some exercise!!

Me - Mumma pls, its 1 in the afternoon, its burning outside and you want me to go do exercise. I came here for a holiday; not to some millitary camp.

She mutters something which sounds like hopeless-case-god-help-him. Hmmm i wonder what gave her that idea!!

Cut to Evening 5' o Clock:

Me - Mumma i am going out for sometime . Mite be a little late for dinner.

Mom - Theek hai, par bahar ka mat khaana. You mite get stereolepsosis!!( Don't even ask me what that mite be,i can hardle even spell it)

Mom - Btw, where do you go out every evening? Kisi girlfriend ka toh chakkar nahi hai na!!

Me - Mumma, tell me what'll you prefer? Me going out with a girl or a guy??

Mom - Chup kar !! Aaj kal bahot bolne lag gaya hai tu !! Bina soche samjhe kuch bhi bol deta hai...jaise jaise bade hote ho,koi sharam haya bachti hi nahi hai tum logo mey.

I roll my eyes and make my getaway as fast as possible before another lecture on pre-marital relationships and god-knows-what all comes up.

Night Time 10.00 :

I return home only to find them fuming and waiting for me.

Mom - Why can't you call and tell us that you'll be coming late??

Me - It's only 10 rite now!!

Mom - Thats besides the point. You've been out since 5. You can atleast call us once in between or give a missed call. You keep calling all those friends of yours the whole day, you can't even spend 2 rs on calling your parents!

Me - Arey why are you blowing this out of proportion. Fine i didn't call but its not like i ran away to Timbuktu or something.

The arrival of my sister from office thankfully breaks up this unwarrented discussion.

And now for the worst part!!

The Daily Soaps:

Both me and my sister have to endure nearly an hour and half of crying, backstabbing women who go to sleep in their sarees and then get up in the morning with their make-up still not smudged. I mean how the hell is that possible!! By then end i am confused as to who's having an affair with whom and who's the actual vamp. Dunno how my mom can keep pace with all the serials at one go while constantly switching between Zee, Star and Sony every 2 mins. And if by any chance i put ESPN when she's in the kitchen, then God help me !!

The worst is this serial called Kasam Se on Zee ( or is it Sony?). Its basically about 3 sisters out of which one has designs on her brother-in-law and has suppossedly had a child with him. Her own husband disappeared in between btw and was never heard of( i personally think he was not being paid so he left). But my Mom insists that his "character did not suit the current timing and mood of the serial". The 3rd sister has married someone who already has a wife and i dunno who sleeps with whom at nite. Seriously Ekta Kapoor should be given credit for imagining such kind of insane plots!

Time for bed now and by this time everything that happened earlier has been forgotten. The whole family has dinner together and then we say good nite; ready to start afresh the next day :lol: . Now i miss those days and the fights i used to have at home. And its not like there were always fights happening. Mom and Dad kept fussing over us also and in the end we were one big happy family(still are). Ekta Kapoor should come to my house and see what an actual Ghar Ghar ki Kahaani is. What say!?