Sorry to disappoint all those people who think this is gonna be a tribute to THE most insane, rubbish, cow-dungish TV serial ever imagined ( or wait, i think Ekta came out with another K last week which seems hell bent on breaking all rules of moronism). This is actually a story of what happens at my home and i think at most of our homes too. So i'll recount a typical day in the ' Kohli khaandaan '. Be prepared for a shock or sense of deja-vu according to your case.

Morning 7.30 :

Sound of bhajans and godly songs fill all the rooms including my own. Sleepy-eyed and slightly irritable at that time, i pray to every god that my Mom believes in, and try to cover my ears with the pillow and sheet ( oh sorry, no sheet cause its already been kicked to the floor by me at nite). However my devilish sleep has gone and its time to welcome the daily quota of devotional songs into my life.

Door bangs open. Mom's already in a foul mood. Why oh why God,did you make my mother this way!!

Mom - Abhi tak so raha hai. Tuzhe sharam nahi aati!!

Me - Sharam kis baat ki Mumma..sharam toh tab aati jab aap muzhe kisi ladki ke saath sote hue pakadti

Before i can say April Fool ,my cheeks have already borne the brunt of those tender motherly hands!! Anyways i am asked to go and rouse up my sister from her ' khumbkaran' sleep.

Me - Rashi, get up ya. I am getting shouted at cause of you..

My Sis - @#$@#$% How many times have i asked you not to disturb me while sleeping?

Me - Sorry forgot to count. Anyways get up fast. She's shouting at me cause you are not there to be shouted at

Sis - @#$%!@#@#

After brushing etc etc. i walk into my parents room and eagerly scan the pages of Delhi Times. Another lecture this time from Dad

Dad - Why don't you read the proper newspaper? What's so interesting in that Delhi Times!!

Me - Arey Papa,they've started giving practice questions on CAT these days, so going through those ( I can really be shameless at times!!)

Sis rushes in and tells me to get her breakfast from the kitchen. All she gets in return are a few words for which i again pay for saying them infront of Dad. Rest of the morning passes somewhat quietly except when i go and sit infront of my comp.

Afternoon 1 'o Clock :

Mom - Aman, u've been sitting there for nearly 2 hrs now. Your eyes will get spoilt beta

Me - Not 2 hrs Mumma, one and a half only!!

Mom - But before that you watched Tv for one hour, then you were on the phone for sometime. Go out and get some exercise!!

Me - Mumma pls, its 1 in the afternoon, its burning outside and you want me to go do exercise. I came here for a holiday; not to some millitary camp.

She mutters something which sounds like hopeless-case-god-help-him. Hmmm i wonder what gave her that idea!!

Cut to Evening 5' o Clock:

Me - Mumma i am going out for sometime . Mite be a little late for dinner.

Mom - Theek hai, par bahar ka mat khaana. You mite get stereolepsosis!!( Don't even ask me what that mite be,i can hardle even spell it)

Mom - Btw, where do you go out every evening? Kisi girlfriend ka toh chakkar nahi hai na!!

Me - Mumma, tell me what'll you prefer? Me going out with a girl or a guy??

Mom - Chup kar !! Aaj kal bahot bolne lag gaya hai tu !! Bina soche samjhe kuch bhi bol deta hai...jaise jaise bade hote ho,koi sharam haya bachti hi nahi hai tum logo mey.

I roll my eyes and make my getaway as fast as possible before another lecture on pre-marital relationships and god-knows-what all comes up.

Night Time 10.00 :

I return home only to find them fuming and waiting for me.

Mom - Why can't you call and tell us that you'll be coming late??

Me - It's only 10 rite now!!

Mom - Thats besides the point. You've been out since 5. You can atleast call us once in between or give a missed call. You keep calling all those friends of yours the whole day, you can't even spend 2 rs on calling your parents!

Me - Arey why are you blowing this out of proportion. Fine i didn't call but its not like i ran away to Timbuktu or something.

The arrival of my sister from office thankfully breaks up this unwarrented discussion.

And now for the worst part!!

The Daily Soaps:

Both me and my sister have to endure nearly an hour and half of crying, backstabbing women who go to sleep in their sarees and then get up in the morning with their make-up still not smudged. I mean how the hell is that possible!! By then end i am confused as to who's having an affair with whom and who's the actual vamp. Dunno how my mom can keep pace with all the serials at one go while constantly switching between Zee, Star and Sony every 2 mins. And if by any chance i put ESPN when she's in the kitchen, then God help me !!

The worst is this serial called Kasam Se on Zee ( or is it Sony?). Its basically about 3 sisters out of which one has designs on her brother-in-law and has suppossedly had a child with him. Her own husband disappeared in between btw and was never heard of( i personally think he was not being paid so he left). But my Mom insists that his "character did not suit the current timing and mood of the serial". The 3rd sister has married someone who already has a wife and i dunno who sleeps with whom at nite. Seriously Ekta Kapoor should be given credit for imagining such kind of insane plots!

Time for bed now and by this time everything that happened earlier has been forgotten. The whole family has dinner together and then we say good nite; ready to start afresh the next day :lol: . Now i miss those days and the fights i used to have at home. And its not like there were always fights happening. Mom and Dad kept fussing over us also and in the end we were one big happy family(still are). Ekta Kapoor should come to my house and see what an actual Ghar Ghar ki Kahaani is. What say!?

If ever there was an invention that deserves all the accolades in the world, i think maggi would win hands down . The staple diet (read only) of all the bachelors, worshipped by every hostel boy and girl alike; its invention according to me, is the equivalent of say, finding a cure for AIDS. Its that important!!
Now having stayed in a hostel right from Class 2 onwards, i think i must have atleast contributed a fairly large amount to the maggi makers kitty. Whenever i am in a nostalgic mood, the first thing that i am reminded of is our fights over maggi, hiding in corners and eating maggi, begging borrowing and stealing money in order to buy maggi. In short,our entire world revolved around that 10 rupee yellow coloured pack. Everyone's heard of the traditional ' do minute ' wala way of preparing maggi. But during the course of my hostel life, me and my friends came up with some other innovative ways of devouring that maggi pack. So here i am, ready to share all those secret recipies that you never thought existed. A word of caution though;try them at your own risk.

Method 1 :
This is the traditional and most boring way (in my definition) of preparing maggi. For this you need to boil water and then put the maggi in it along with some boiled vegetables in order to add some good nutrients into it. In other words BORING with a capital B.

Method 2 :
This is what is called the ' kaccha' or raw maggi method. The simplest and also one of the yummiest ways of having maggi. All you need to do is crush the maggi while its still in the pack, then open it, add the tastemaker to it and simply go shake shake for a while. And Voila, there you have it. Simple to do;the best method when you are reallly in a hurry.

Method 3 :
Ah! Now this one is my favourite and you can say its sort of unofficially patented by me and my friends. Now our major aim in life,yes sir, is to pass this knowledge from generation to generation so that others can also savour that wonderful taste and thank us for eons to come.
How is it prepared? Its very simple,my friends. For this, again you need to crush the maggi in the packet itself. Then add hot water to the crushed maggi in the pack and keep it aside for 5 minutes. Then you add the masala, mix it with your hands ( yes, thats how you get that special taste. No use eating if you don't get your hands dirty!) and leave it for 5 minutes again till most of the water gets soaked up. And now eat it with your hands. Ah, believe me you'll keep wanting to lick your fingers after trying out this one.. I suggested this method to one of my friends recently and she's still waiting for a chance to thank me in return. She says its going to be the best return gift i'll ever get. Oh boy,i can hardly wait :-)
A piece of healthy advice though. If you can, use boiled water that you can get from your boiler. Yes, you heard right; from your boiler. You see, when we were in hostel, our only source of hot water in the entire town of NainiTal was our huge school boiler that was used to heat the bathing water of the entire school!. Now let me tell you, this was no ordinary boiler. It was atleast a 120 years old, monstrous in size and equally black from both the inside and outside. According to our research, the maggi tasted simply out of this world due to the extra nutrients added by that boiler water.. So try and search for something like that, else you won't get the same results that we got.

Method 4 :
This is basically a modification of the above stated method. Instead of making the maggi in the pack itself, you need to crush the maggi and pour out the contents in a steel glass. Then repeat all the steps as explained above; substituting your hand for a spoon. We came up with this method in order to please those people who go Yuck Yuck at the sight of maggi lathered fingers. I pity such people!

So there you have it; my secret recipies for preparing maggi!! Tried and tested ( without major side effects) by a group of people who are somehow still miraculously alive. Now we also came up with the right method to make WAI-WAI ( for those uninformed, Wai Wai is Maggi's cousin which is mainly found in hill stations in north India; places close to the Nepal border, cause thats where it comes from). But i guess,that'll be another post in itself.
So till then friends,wenever you feel hungry just shout " Mummy,bhook lagi !!! Bas do minute beta!!" . BON APPETITE :-)

When do you know that its time to say goodbye,
Is it with drops of tears or with words of joy?
I see the pain and suffering in everyone's eyes,
and i ask myself,
Was it of any worth- my life?
There's a time to say and a time to forget,
And even though there's lots left to thought
Its no time to cry and fret..
I see the light grow darker still,
And everybody huddles closer for the kill;
My life, before me , flashes by
And i finally know what its like to die...
No regrets i have; i regret it still
The life i've lived and all the emotional drill
The people i've loved and who'll love me forever,
And some of them'll say i wish it was never
and now im ready to leave my earthly abode;
I hear shouts all around me say " Oh My!!"
And thats when i know its time to say the final goodbye...

A Short Story:

He could feel the eerieness in the air around him. The hair on his back stood up and he began to get goosebumps. Something was definately not right here. " Damn it,i should have never taken this shortcut in the first place", he thought. There was forest cover on both his sides and he couldn't see another person or vehicle for miles on either end. Suddenely he stopped! He had heard something swish past behind him. Heart racing,he slowly turned around while praying to god at the same time. But there was no one to be seen. "Just my imagination playing stupid tricks on me", he said to himself. " I need to get a grip on my nerves and get out of here as soon as possible".

He increased his pace but he could still sense that eerie feeling as if someone was watching him. Every few mins he turned back to see if someone was following him. But like always,there was no one there. And then he heard it again. And this time he was sure it was no imagination. He could hear footsteps in the forest and leaves rustling as if there was someone whistling through them. Perspiration moped his brow and he broke into a run. But he had hardly gone 50 yards when something grabbed his leg...

He screamed and fell to the muddy ground. He turned around only to find a blood-drenched hand sticking out of the ground holding him tight around his ankles. Screaming in horror,he kicked out but the hand had a death-grip on him and was slowly dragging him into the woods! With a last-gasp effort he kicked out with all his strength and felt the tightness around his ankles loosen. He pulled himself up quickly and began running as fast as his legs could carry him;the adrenaline pumping through his veins. Every now and then he could feel something brush against his legs but this spurred him on even more. Suddenly he found his way blocked by a large tree and boulders. To his left was a small country road which led into the woods. Now he was truly trapped!!

Suddenly he heard cries of " Help,Help! " emnating from the woods. Finding himself in a quandary,he had to take a split-second decision.He couldn't turn back but going into the woods,too, was not an appealing choice at all. Moreover the cries of help could be a trap in itself. Finding himself with no other alternative, he made a dash into the woods. The shouts grew louder and louder as he ventured deeper into the forest and soon enough he found himself in a small clearing staring at a tottering one room house from where the voice was coming.

" Who's there? ",he shouted. " God bless your soul,its a human voice after all. Get me out of here please,i've been trapped here for the past two days ",came back the pleading reply. Glad to hear another man's voice,he broke open the door to find a ragged old man tied to a chair and bound with a strait-jacket." Help me please,i was brought here by some robbers and have been in this state for the past two days",said the old man. His saviour quickly untied the cords binding the old man and began working on loosening the strait-jacket while at same time narrating his story. "Thats odd,i've been here two days and nights and i haven't felt or seen anything out of the ordinary. It must be your imagination young man!". "Here you're free now. Now lets get out of this god forsaken place. I am Jack by the way", he said extending his hand towards the old man who did the same in return.

With a shock Jack saw that the man's right hand was missing and bleeding at the stump.The last thing he ever heard was the old man's hysterical laughter and the last thing he ever saw was his own blood splattering the room!.